Friday, March 4, 2011

Start your day with a smile

Start your day with a smile
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband."
And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife,"
and my Mom said, "He does."
There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a base- ball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there." 
The Preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter.
I told him, "Oh, I do all the time.  No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, 'Now, what am I here after?'
The 4-year-old was having difficulty grasping the concept of marriage, so her father pulled out the wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the ceremony, the limo and the reception. "Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so. Is that when Mommy came to work for us?"
Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby.  As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him.
The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy.  The bad news is that it is a "cesarean."
Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but I was kind of hoping it would be Norwegian!"
I was filling out an accident report. I had dented a parked car while trying to park my own.
One question on the report was: "What could the operator of the other vehicle done to avoid the accident?"
I wrote, "He could have parked it somewhere else."
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